he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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