Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
