I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
