Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
