Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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