Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Randomize
