like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
