he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
