I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
