Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
