i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
