At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
