i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
