She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
