Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
