yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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