today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize