We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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