atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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