Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
