Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
