Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
