You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
