can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im holly from the hills drunk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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