in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
