I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
