just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dicks are not precious.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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