oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
