Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize