I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize