he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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