If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
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I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"