I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
