the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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