when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
