"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
