i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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