Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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