My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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