im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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