Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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