Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
