I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
