Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
