The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize