I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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