Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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