U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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