Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
