i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is wine microwaveable?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
