You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
