my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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