he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
