franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
