I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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