I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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