i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
