Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
