his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
