So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
